R I P Herbert Watnik 9.21.1921 to 11.25.2008

Personal note here, that feels appropriate to ‘express’ on *my* blog though this must surely violate someone’s notions of etiquette ….

My father-in-law died last evening at 10:21 PM of (in my lay terms) complications from pneumonia after having been in Intensive Care since Halloween (seems hard to believe now that it was so long, but he never got out of ICU). His four children (with three spouses) were with him for the last few hours.

How rapid a development was The End, despite weeks of need-good-news-but-there-ain’t-ever-no-good-news? I got a call from my wife at 3:51 PM, when I was 50 feet from turning into the Holland Tunnel to take my daughter to Newark Airport (we did not make that turn).

He leaves 8 grandchildren and one brother (and sister-in-law), having lost a sister only 10 weeks ago and his wife 12 years ago. Bunches of cousins, in several generations, survive.

As my brother-in-law said, "he had his issues, but he was a good guy". Is that such a bad thing? (hint: NO)

I am pulling together thoughts for a Friday eulogy; here’s a start. (Isn’t "blogging" another way to say "thinking out loud"?)

Like many men of his generation, he seemed more comfortable as a grandfather than as a father. But he *provided* for his family. Among many other things, he made sure my wife’s cars had clean oil and fully inflated tires (she still gives me a hard time if our gas tank gets almost empty in winter). He uprooted his part of the family from the family compound in Queens when he thought his young teen (now my wife) needed a new environment. He was thrilled to provide a home for some grandchildren in a wonderful Long Island school district.

A veteran of World War II (he is the only person I know to have been through the Suez Canal), he chose college over minor league baseball, and the NYPD over a ‘real job’. His 20 years in blue included being at a desk as a sergeant when the FALN exploded a bomb at his (the old) Police Headquarters. I well remember when we were able to take him and his wife to a grand steak dinner at Peter Luger’s to celebrate his next (and final) retirement (‘cut’ that steak with a spoon; honest). He liked his food!

He was … less than patient (an inherited trait, I see). Woe to the person between him and the front of the buffet line. And listening to him yell at the Mets bullpen (through the miracles of television) could be … uh … jarring. He could be VERY critical of things and people he cared about deeply. But he was loyal — to the Mets, and to his family. He watched every Mets game (rooting, yelling, rooting, yelling, yelling, yelling …) through the most bitter of ends (in baseball terms, at least). He spoke to his sister by phone every day, for years.

He did not often (or easily) speak of L O V E, and he responded to people and things that were most important to him on his own terms, of course — but don’t we all make such arrangements?

He lived in The Present, largely without complaint, to a degree that seems remarkable to me. Stuff that just didn’t concern him today, just didn’t concern him. (The wisdom of age? I am still waiting ….)

Whether that was whether This Family Member was talking to That Family Member, or whether "that procedure" he had on his colon years ago was cancer (it was, but he did not seem to care, or even recall) — once it was ‘done’ and ‘clean’, he was done with it. His retina guy never could seem to restore vision to one eye, but he accepted that (though he kept going for treatments that were part of a hoped-for-but-never-achieved improvement) and used a huge magnifying glass to scour the many newspapers in his life. He was not a happy camper when we took the car keys away, but he acquiesced; I never heard a word of complaint about that.

He had food, shelter, health (largely excellent-for-his-age, until a month ago), and family. Why would he want more?? ("Because most people do" was irrelevant to him, I am sure without asking.)

He had many more than his biblical allotment of three-score-and-ten, but we shall miss him.

Thanks for listening. Perhaps I will update this as I continue to Think Out Loud….

Yes, the circle of life continues. We will host Thanksgiving tomorrow for 17, including one pregnant cousin. While not likely to be entirely celebratory, we are definitely looking forward to that celebration with family.

BE THANKFUL for what you have, people. Peace out.

© Sandy Mattingly 2008